笑看人生

Footfalls echo in the memory

Down the passage which we did not take

Towards the door we never opened

Into the rose-garden. My words echo

Thus, in your mind.

But to what purpose

Disturbing the dust on a bowl of rose leaves

I do not know.

Other echoes

Inhabit the garden. Shall we follow?

Quick, said the bird, find them, find them,

Round the corner. Through the first gate,

Into our first world, shall we follow

The deception of the thrush? Into our first world.

There they were, dignified, invisible,

Moving without pressure, over the vibrant air,

And the bird called, in response to

The unheard music hidden in the shrubbery,

And the unseen eyebeam crossed, for the roses

Had the look of flowers that are looked at.

笑看人生,應是冷笑。

曾經門下弟子三千,其實僅止於施餌,離我的真才實學還早得很。有過一名輔大大傳研究所的高棣,曾於教學之間,惱怒起來,哽咽問我:「老師,你的答案究竟是甚麼?為什麼你的說法每次都不一樣?」

我心想,不僅每回不同而已,恐怕每次答詞還南轅北轍呢。

學問之道始終是迂迴繁複的「奧之細道」,否則何須諄諄教誨?三十年來,晚生後進,竟無再叩程門之人,嗚呼哀哉。然而,於我何有哉?

余生而穎異,髫齡能文,倜儻有大志。天主教謂之「聖召」。半生蹭蹬,仍能樂觀進取,皆源於追慕聖召,悲願無極。

一直傾聽著神聖的召喚,退省成為習慣。每於困窮之際,總是急急退回生命的原點,尋覓淵默之中,隱隱的召喚。

每當我召喚他人,其實只是傾聽自我內心的召喚。邇來已殊少傾聽心底玫瑰園裡的踅音。因為我已完成了我的天命,如今只待命終之機而已。小相中,漠然笑矣,人或以為無情冷笑?

_______ 李霖生於石舟齋 20180614

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